Saw this ad t’other day in my outdoors magazine, Campin’ ‘n Fishin’. Oh, hi there, Alphonse Wilson doin’ the talkin’ don’t you see. Call me Windy. Sneaked in here again when Slim weren’t lookin.’ But I gotta tell ya not to believe ever dang thing you read. Yessir, they had this little-bitty sleeping bag made out of space materials, I guess so you can stay warm on Mars or somethin’ and it weighed just about nothin’ and a half.

Just how stupid do they think we are, anyhow? I mean, you gotta surround yourself with good stuff to sleep right or you’re just flippity squidglin’ around all night. Like a inch bug or somethin’ … well, somethin’ that’s cold and has an agrellation of sleeplessness.

You give me a good ol’ cowboy bedroll every day! Yessir. Now if you ain’t up to slump on what a bedroll is, I’ll just clue you in. You take a great big ol’ tarp and inside it you put your blankets and a piller and such. How many a-them blankets do you use? Wellsir, how cold is it going to plunge down to tonight? You see, it’s adjustable and you can thicken it if it’s cold or skinny it down if it’s a warm night.

Now what a good smart cowboy will do is build hisself a bedroll so thick he can go dog mushin’ on the Idiot Road race up in Alaska. Yessir! Then, he can take out half the blankets if it ain’t gonna be cold enough to hang meat tonight. You see?

‘Course now, a real cowboy bedroll ain’t easy to haul around. You ain’t goin’ far with it on your back. Nossir. But that’s why them early cowboys invented pack mules and pickup trucks.

There’s a rule of thumb tacks here, and you’re getting it straight from the horse’s mouth ... if you can carry it, It … Ain’t …  A … Bedroll.

And you can tell ‘em I said so.