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As Coloradans travel distances near and far to gather with family and friends for the Thanksgiving holiday, many are deeply anxious the nation’s polarized political and cultural views will explode across the dinner table.

Christine Miles, a psychologist, said you could try to change the conversation or walk away but holidays are really about connecting. She noted most family blowups start as listening mistakes, not ideological clashes. Instead of trying to change someone’s mind, Miles encouraged people to ask questions such as "Tell me more," and "How does it make you feel?"

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"When you go in with seeking to understand, rather than trying to agree, you can really find out some things about people that you might find quite appealing," Miles explained. "Because we’re not used to asking questions that really get to know people on a deeper level."

Miles pointed out people frequently show up at holiday gatherings braced to avoid things, such as conflict or getting trapped inside a funny uncle’s latest conspiracy theory rabbit hole. But she stressed it is possible to focus on what you would like to gain. Miles suggested taking a moment to set a goal. Do you want to prove your point, or do you want to leave the gathering with relationships intact?

When you decide your focus will be understanding, Miles argued it is much easier to de-escalate or prevent conflicts altogether. When people feel understood, they become less defensive. She recommended the first step is to ask questions. Then, show them you were really listening.

"I say to somebody, ‘Hold on a second, I want to make sure I get you, not argue with you, but get you,' and then I tell them exactly what they told me," Miles advised. "Now you’ve just won over a fan."

More Americans are anxious about this year’s holidays than last year, according to a recent American Psychiatric Association poll, and some families are skipping them entirely. Miles added there are many reasons people feel anxious during holiday gatherings. Even though family members share common bonds and experiences, our memories of those experiences do not always match up.

"That’s what makes our family experience so rich but it’s also what makes it highly conflictual," Miles acknowledged. "We want to maintain the relationships, because that’s what helps us feel grounded and important and connected in this world."